Tag Archives: death

Every day I pray for love

Posted on October 22, 2024 | Leave a comment

I was off work this week, but somehow found myself even more busy than usual. Being off work I had more time to watch the live streamed horrors in Gaza and Lebanon. I signed more petitions. I stepped up my boycott of companies profiting from Israel’s crimes. I sent money directly to a family in Khan Younis. Osama is 22, the oldest of 8 siblings, trying to keep his displaced family safe. His father needs medication, but with Israel’s military targeting hospitals and killing healthcare workers, leaving no functioning health service, very little is available. Almost no aid is entering Gaza. I can’t watch. I can’t not watch. I feel hollow.

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Posted in Week notes

Tagged art, campaign, death, food, health, housing, life, medicine, NHS, theatre, war, weaving

Death is part of life in hospital. Indeed, half of all deaths in England occur in these hives of activity, where we help many to evade the end for a little longer [1]. Death is such a frequent part of our work in fact, that it can become routine. Last week a man died before we got to see him on our morning ward round. He died some time between having his breakfast and the 9am observations round. He was old, had been unwell for a long time, and his death was expected, although no-one predicted it would be that morning. It caused hardly a ripple. Nurses, doctors and physiotherapists exchanged surprised glances, then shrugged and immediately focused their attention on their next tasks. His death became an admin task, as the junior doctors planned when they would find the time to complete his death certificate, discharge summary, and paperwork for our departmental morbidity and mortality meeting.

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Posted in Death

Tagged death, grief, healing, mortality, NHS, team, trauma

In the company of death

Posted on May 27, 2017 | 2 comments

The Huffington Post have published an article I wrote on art and death. The edited version can be seen here. The original blog follows.

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Posted in Death

Tagged art, art therapy, artists, communication, creativity, death, grief, human, medical humanities, mortality, wellbeing

Death Cafe Euston

Posted on May 1, 2017 | Leave a comment

Join me for an evening of discussion on death, dying, life and living at 1 Lancing Street next to Euston station. There will be tea. There will be cake. There will be time and space to talk about death, dying, grief, funerals, and the fragility of life.

Death Cafes provide an opportunity ‘to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives‘. They are group directed discussions with no agenda, objectives or themes. They are discussion groups rather than grief support or counselling sessions. They are generally life-affirming events, but sensitive discussions are of course possible so please bear this in mind. For more information please see www.deathcafe.com.

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Posted in Death

Tagged death, death cafe, Dying Matters, event

An ever deferred death

Posted on April 19, 2016 | Leave a comment

“…just as we know our walking to be only a constantly prevented falling, so is the life of our body only a constantly prevented dying, an ever deferred death.” Schopenhauer

I first read these words two years after I had qualified as a doctor. On reading them I felt a jolt: a reawakening of a feeling that I had buried. A feeling that I ran and hid from as I spent my days, and many nights, beside people on the brink of death. Schopenhauer’s words forced me to confront the fact that I felt threatened, fearful, temporary. I felt mortal.

Those of us who work in hospitals are witnesses to ‘a constantly prevented dying’. We react in different ways, and we rarely talk about it, but I have recognised more than once after a cardiac arrest call that has ended in death, a fleeting flash in the eyes of a colleague that screams “that could be us, we all die!’

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Posted in Death

Tagged death, Dying Matters, fear, future, mortality, past, Philosophy, present, uncertainty

Finding the words

Posted on February 24, 2016 | 2 comments

Making and documenting good decisions about CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation) and treatment escalation plans, that are truly shared decisions, is a challenge. I find that the challenge comes from a number of factors: intrinsic difficulties of talking about the possibility of death in a largely death-denying culture; the great diversity of beliefs, wishes, and level of preparation for such decisions amongst patients; difficulties in facing my own mortality and the ways in which personal situations may affect my professional abilities; navigating tensions between hope and acceptance; and additional complexities that stem from having such conversations in the context of an emergency hospital admission. In the midst of a busy shift, faced with distressed people who are in pain, sometimes it is hard to find the words.

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Posted in In Between

Tagged Cardiopulmonary resuscitation, communication, CPR, death, DNAR, emergency care, shared decision making

Living loss

Posted on October 28, 2015 | Leave a comment

I got to know Joseph * over a number of months. He was first admitted to hospital in April, when his bed overlooked the garden with trees in bud. As Spring turned to Summer he was readmitted, and when Autumn came he watched the leaves change colour and fall. Each time he was admitted he spent more time in hospital and less time at home, and we worried more about whether this admission might be his last.

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Posted in Death

Tagged care, chronic disease, chronic sorrow, compassion, death, fear, grief, hope, identity, illness, living bereavement, living loss, NHS, patient

Critical care

Posted on January 2, 2015 | 3 comments

I was one of the lucky ones this year and was not working on Christmas Day. After my shift on Christmas Eve I fed the cat, packed up the car with presents and headed to my brother’s house. Waiting for me was a glass of mulled wine, and a hug. Christmas Day was lovely and it was with a heavy heart that I left my family and battled the driving rain in order to get back to London for my night shift on Boxing Day. My feelings of dread were not misplaced: the shift was tough. But most of my shifts have been tough of late. I am in the midst of a six month rotation on ICU (the intensive care unit), having left the familiarity of the acute medical ward and the outpatient clinic, replacing them with a world of ventilators, alarms and intense emotions. I am used to hard work, but I find intensive care physically and emotionally exhausting. It has taken me by surprise just how difficult it is to get through the weeks and I have begun to realise that this is primarily due to a concern that not everything I am doing is ‘the right thing’.

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Posted in Death

Tagged CPR, death, decision making, distress, ethics, futility, harm, intensive care, moral, quality of life

Those who go; those who stay

Posted on November 11, 2013 | 3 comments

A large proportion of my life is spent within the walls of the hospitals of North East London. But when I’m not at work, I can often be found in one of London’s fantastic art galleries. Art is essential for my personal wellbeing, and a great way to dissociate myself from the trials and tribulations of being a doctor.

But every so often these two worlds collide.

Those who go

A few years ago I went to an exhibition at the Tate Modern on Futurism. It was a fantastic exhibition, highlighting a brief but incredibly influential period of modern art. I was profoundly struck by a specific piece: a tryptych by Umberto Boccioni entitled “Farewells; Those who go; Those who stay,” now on view at the Museum of Modern Art in New York. Not only is it beautiful, but the artist effectively captures the emotions inherent in farewells. It has stayed with me ever since. I was reminded of this piece recently after a particularly emotional on call shift.

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Posted in Death

Tagged art, Cardiac arrest, compassion, CPR, death, Futurism, grief, holistic care, Hospital, patient, wellbeing, witness

The LCP is dead: long live the LCP

Posted on July 30, 2013 | 1 comment

Last weekend I was on call in hospital and cared for George,* a patient who was entering the last stages of life. George was no longer conscious so the Consultant and I spoke to his family, discussing which interventions to continue and which we felt were no longer benefiting him. Later in the day I reviewed George and found that he had developed respiratory secretions and was in some distress. I stopped his intravenous fluids, prescribed medications to treat his symptoms and reached for the Liverpool Care Pathway. And then I stopped. In the context of the recent press coverage and the LCP review what should I do?

Image from The Guardian

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Posted in Death

Tagged compassion, death, empathy, End-of-life care, family, honesty, LCP, Liverpool care pathway, patient, transparency

Tag Archives: death

Every day I pray for love

An Unexpected Death

In the company of death

Death Cafe Euston

Join me for an evening of discussion on death, dying, life and living at 1 Lancing Street next to Euston station. There will be tea. There will be cake. There will be time and space to talk about death, dying, grief, funerals, and the fragility of life.

An ever deferred death

Finding the words

Living loss

Critical care

Those who go; those who stay

The LCP is dead: long live the LCP

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